Changing Your State With a New Story

I have been burying myself in videos by Tony Robbins and I have found them to be very helpful.  I have been struggling with PTSD for over twenty-five years.  What I'm about to suggest may come off as trite or silly for someone who has PTSD, but I found it to be very helpful for me, and so by sharing, hopefully, it will be helpful for you.

With PTSD, I get a trigger - like a look or smell of something that reminds me of the trauma of my past, and when that happens, my adrenalin goes 1000 mph with pupils dilated and intense fear and the same painful feelings of imminent death, blinding pain, and extreme fear that I felt at the time of the traumatic events that resulted in the PTSD condition.  Needless to say, it's not fun.

Tony Robbins talks about changing your state.  That this can be done by simply changing the story.  I started to explore this because if I could somehow snap myself out of a PTSD episode and be myself, that level of control over my emotions would be empowering, to say the least.

So, I started to really listen to what was the story that was playing in my mind that was causing the PTSD episode to occur.  There has to be a story playing in my mind that is not making sense, because that story is creating fear and pain and it is the wrong story, because, I'm alone and nothing is happening to me.  The hard part is listening to the story.  It is very hard, but I did manage to figure it out, I think.

The story that was playing in my mind was that whatever happened to me was my fault, and if something like that happens, it is my fault, there is nothing I can do about it, and the only foolproof way to be 100% sure it never happens to me is to trust nobody, go nowhere, wear baggy clothes with no make-up so I don't look interesting or attractive to anyone, and basically, live like a Howard Hughes recluse.  Then I'm safe and everything is okay, except, I have no friends, no family, no love, no connections, and the extent of my relationships is remotely through the Internet, on my cell phone, or by e-mail or, sometimes, video conference calls.  That's it.  What a great life.  Not.

So I began to realize I need a different story.  So, I started to work on it.  I started to come up with a different story.  Easier said than done.  So far, this is what I have come up with for my new story.

First, I said, what happened to me was not my fault.  I trusted someone and that person violated my trust.  The person who violated my trust - that is the person who is at fault, not me.  When I trusted someone to come into my personal space, and I was vulnerable with that person, and that person violated my trust, that person was wrong, not me.  So, I eliminated the belief that whatever happened to me was my fault.  It was not my fault.  That's the first part of the story.

So, the second part of the story is, what can I do to make sure that it doesn't happen again but still have relationships and trust people.  This is much more difficult for me.  I didn't have the answer to this one, but I began to realize that if I didn't have this answer, then I would not have my new story.

I decided that for me, the core of the issue was power.  The first guy who raped me controlled my scholarship.  The second guy who raped me and stalked me controlled my social circles.  My husband controlled me economically and socially and he beat me repeatedly.  All three had one thing in common - power.  I gave them power over me.  That didn't make it a "fault" thing with me.  It's just that I trusted people and gave them power over me and they violated my trust.  Sometimes trusting the right person can be empowering, not a violation of trust.  Synergy can produce amazing results. In my case, I had given my power to the wrong people.

So, what is the solution.  I decided that the solution, is to never give my economic power to anyone or give weight to social circles against my principals ever again.  That way, nobody controls me economically, and I have the power to stand up for myself and find the people who will stand by me when others don't.

So, my new story is this:

What happened to me is not my fault.  I trusted individuals who violated my trust and gave them power over me economically and socially.  I will dedicate the rest of my life to empowering myself economically with better social capital to ensure that what happened to me before never happens again.

So, now I take all of my energy and I dedicate it to building my company and building my social capital with the right network of people who support me professionally and personally.

Everybody has to write their own new story.  The most important elements of your story if you are rewriting your story to overcome PTSD is to make sure your story has two things:  (1) it was not your fault, and (2) you will not give your economic or social power away to anyone ever again.  This will enable you to interact with others but keep your power of choice to change your state on your own by changing the story in your mind.

Try the new story exercise and the next time you're having a PTSD episode, stop and read your story.  See if it helps.  Comment and let me know how it worked for you.  Share your new story.  The more new stories we share, the more we can help each other.  You may have to rewrite your story over and over again.  In fact, I'm not even 100% satisfied with this story, but it's a start, and I find that just giving myself the power to change my story and change my state helps me to feel in control, which is a step in the right direction to putting PTSD in the past where it belongs.